What a Difference a Year Makes

Wow. To say “blink and you’ll miss it” is an understatement.

It’s been a bit over a year, and to say my life has changed would be an understatement – and all for the better! My last year in bullets:

• My divorce was finally finalized after nearly 2 years of back and forth with the X
• Got down to my lowest weight ever…within 1 pound of having 100 pounds lost!
• Met an amazing man, fell in love, got engaged…I’m getting married this month!
• Put on about 20 pounds of “happy weight”…which I’m finally starting to see come back down
• Changed my daughter’s day care, went through lots of up and downs with her (more on that later)
• X got married to the chick he left me for. Which is fine, we are at a good place now and strive to put our daughter first
• After our wedding (and honeymoon vacation – squee!!) we’ll start saving to buy a house together next year.

I mean, wow. This blog was created to be a daily log for me…of course I think the pressure of having a daily log just turned me off. Well, that plus like a month after I started it, my now ex-husband kinda walked out on me and my kid…and so any time I came back, for a long time after that, it was kind of painful. This blog has seen tiny snippets of pain, hope, more pain…long silences…and now, infinite joy! I really do want to work on filling in those gaps.

And the #1 reason it was created, of course, was to record the success of my losing weight! Somehow through this crazy storm, I DID manage to do that. And I want to keep it going…

Do I really think I have the time/dedication/passion to start this blog back up again? I don’t know. My next post might be another year from now…but let’s see what happens. 🙂

Today, life is good.

Like a Boss

This weekend was quick and uneventful – a nice combination when I had both planned no events and was single-momming my 22 month old. I started off on Friday night with a new recipe. I decided to try Mushroom Kale Lasagna Rolls, and used this recipe from SkinnyTaste. I won’t bore you with step by step details, as I’m not a cooking blog, but needless to say it ended up being not too hard to make (though it dirtied more dishes than I expected!), and delicious! The recipe makes 10 rolls, and so I’ve got leftovers to last during the week!

It is so green, but so good!

Saturday I Zumba’d at a class at my college Alma Matter, taught by a wonderful friend, Ruthie, who has an inspiring story of her own! I have been so surprised by Zumba. I am able to follow the moves fairly easily, and I am constantly surprised by how much easier it is to keep up and move my body now that there’s 70 pounds gone from it. I talked to Ruthie after and told her that though I took ballet for 10 years growing up (hence the ease of following the moves), I don’t think I ever truly enjoyed it. I was always the biggest girl in the class, and constantly spent my time looking in those damn mirrors comparing myself to the other girls. For anyone who’s never taken ballet or other dance class…one half of the entire room is made of mirrors…so you can constantly check your body positions, etc. For me, it was a constant and consistent reminder of how big I was – and of course now I look back and can say I wasn’t even that big!

But now. Now that I’m older and (ha!) wiser and have lived…and have developed a lot of self esteem, I could care less what I look like while dancing at Zumba…and I’m having so much FUN! I can keep up with the instructor, I can think about the music and the movement and just enjoy it! And I do.

Sunday started off a little rough. I had woken up at around 5:50am on Saturday, and cursed as I desperately tried to fall back asleep, wasting all those precious minutes as Reagan kept sleeping until nearly 7:30am! On Sunday, I was in a dead tired sleep…and of course she then decides to wake up at 5:50am.

And she woke up with plenty of energy.

After a fun-filled morning of me trying to wake up while she destroyed the living room, we both took naps (thank goodness!), and then afterwards I took her on a walk to the park. The park is right next to our apartment, so we were able to walk straight from our front door, which was nice. It was really windy, but we had a lot of fun!

Finding bottle caps

Feeding these…bird things

Blowing bubbles…or attempting to.

Happy Face!

Discovering that bridges cover water.

Drinking juice – like a Boss!

I love taking these walks with her and re-discovering the world through her eyes. Even though it’s annoying to keep her away from the water the whole time, and even though she stood on that silly bridge for 20 minutes longer than I would have liked and kept telling me there was water underneath us…I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Oh and my daughter’s hair is crazy, in case you can’t tell. I think it might turn out to be curly…and I have no experience in that arena…add to that the fact that she hates having her hair or face messed with, and it is a constant battle in which she is the victor 99% of the time.

Besides…I say the longer you can go without fussing with hair or wearing shoes…go for it!

So today was back to the grind, but I did make it to the gym for a lunchtime workout!

Proof of my elliptical exploits!

So there is my weekend/Monday recap. How was your weekend? What workouts have you discovered that you actually ENJOY, rather than endure?

A Hard Run

I’m overall happy with today’s workout, but trying not to be dissapointed at the same time.

Today’s workout called for a 5 minute warmup and cool down, with a 35 minute run at “normal pace.” I was both looking forward to and dreading it. I was excited, because Wednesday’s run went so well…well, afterwards, anyway – but it was also running for 35 minutes straight, which I haven’t been able to do in several weeks. It turns out I still can’t.

I took my iPad with me today, and found out that my gym does indeed have free WiFi! Which, I should have prepared ahead of time, because then I spent way too much time looking around on Netflix looking for a show to watch. My lunch breaks are slightly flexible, but I hate taking too much time away, so I was getting antsy. I finally setting on a show called Dollhouse. It’s by Joss Whedon, so I knew it had to be worth checking out at least!

The first part of the run I was feeling good. The show was pretty interesting, though looking down at the iPad on the treadmill wasn’t as comfortable as if it had been straight ahead. I kept wanting to raise my head and just listen to the show, so even though I think this will work for awhile, I still feel like it didn’t really keep my mind occupied enough to “forget” I was running, but who knows if that’s even possible!

I was able to run without stopping to walk for 18 minutes and some change, and then finally I had to walk for 1 minute. I still don’t know exactly what my hangup is, if it’s more mental or physical…I think my legs were fine and I feel as though my breathing was ok…I just felt like I had to slow down. I walked for a minute, ran again for 2 minutes, and then had to walk to 2 minutes. By this time, there was 7 or 8 minutes left of the run I think. I put the speed back up, and told myself that I could slow the run if I needed, but I  couldn’t walk. I think I spent about 30 seconds at a slower speed in there, but for the most part I maintained a 5.0 speed (12mph) the whole time. It wasn’t my prettiest run, but I did it.

Done!

Again, not my best, but definitely not my worst run in the world. I am trying not to be upset about the walk break, and I definitely didn’t get any H of a Runner’s High either! But, it’s done. It’s also Friday, which means the weekend is almost here! Brad has to work tomorrow, so I think I’ll take Reagan to the YMCA with me in the morning and either run or do some other type of cardio and some strength training.

My back has been hurting pretty consistently lately, and especially now while I run I start to have a pain in the top center of my back. I made an appointment with my doctor for Monday. I have a feeling it’s going to be related to the fact that I’m a bit, er, well-endowed shall we say. But we shall see!

Pumpkins

Ugh.

I’m up 5 pounds this week, 1 pound from yesterday.

As a daily weigher, I am both blessed and cursed to know (and not hide from) where I am in my weight loss journey each and every day. Most days I am satisfied. Today I am struggling with my brain. On the one hand, I know that my eating has been pretty good this week, my exercise has been on point so far, etc etc. So I know logically that the gain has to be a mixture of water retention, bloating from hormones, etc. But seeing that number on the scale still brings all the discouragement and fears that come with being a lifetime fat girl.

Luckily, logic is winner these days (usually), and I just gave the scale the finger, got dressed for work and fixed a smoothie. I just made up a recipe today, spinach, a banana, frozen pineapple/mango blend, frozen berry blend, and almond milk. It’s pretty good, and it felt good to be back on “plan” today. Last night was my monthly girls’ night. Each month, one of the girls in my group of friends hosts a get-together at her house and chooses a theme. Each girl who comes brings something to eat or drink based on that night’s theme. Last night was pumpkin, and the selections were SO good. I had watched what I ate all day yesterday just so I could indulge a little:

SO Good!

Don’t worry, I only ate about half of what was on that plate. My eyes are still way bigger than my stomach when it comes to putting “splurge” food on a plate…I am thankful that I’m slowly becoming more mindful of when I am full, and able to stop myself before sitting there and stuffing my face just because something tastes “so good.”

So, I guess the pound gain over yesterday’s weight should have been expected, IF yesterday’s weight wasn’t already higher than normal. I was expecting a maintenance of weight. So, it was hard not to be dissapointed…but I just let myself be dissapointed for a few minutes, and then moved on. Today is a workout day. I workout on my lunch breaks three days a week (well, I try to), and I am NOT feeling it today. Probably a mixture of the bad food I ate last night, and the whole “what’s the point” voice that’s trying to attack my brain right now.

It’s days like this I KNOW I need to go. In fact, I’m going to leave in about 5 minutes! Because, this:

Word.

Wish me luck, today’s workout is going to be hard…

 

Goals

The other day, I had the awesome idea to start a blog…and suddenly today I find myself having trouble thinking how exactly to blog again…for fun, that is! 😛

I guess I should state some goals here, so that if you stumble on to this post, you can get a good sense of what the heck I’m all about. Because, while this blog is meant to be more personal, more ME, than my previous dreaded “mommy-blog,” it is at its heart supposed to be about accountability to myself.

Goals:

• Track Food. I want to track all of my food this year. I won’t bore you with all that here, thank God, but if you are also wanting to track food, I love MyFitnessPal as a tool. SparkPeople is also great. Both are free.
• Exercise. I am on a running mission this year…as the title of my blog indicates. Unfortunately at this time you aren’t going to find an amazing running blog, I am a beginner for sure. I’ve been following the Couch to 5k plan, but some hip injuries have me relegated to the elliptical for the short term. I am however signed up already to do three 5ks this year! Yikes…
• Deal with the Mental Beans. I am a new mom to a 13 month-old daughter. She is amazing, and beautiful – and more than a handful, lol! I have a wonderful and supportive husband, which I am so thankful for. I do have a tendency to get stuck in my own head-space though, and that sometimes can put a strain on our relationship. I am working also this year to become a better wife. In the midst of that lofty goal, my father passed away suddenly in February this year. He was only 68. Not only am I trying my best to cope with that, but my mom is basically shutting down on me mentally and physcially in the aftermath. And I’m 150 miles away. So, I am working on not using food as a coping/numbing mechanism with this.

I guess that’s my measurable “goals” right now. I need to work this plan through and figure out the best way to break these down in to baby steps I guess.

Right now I weigh 235. I’ve been a bit stuck here for the last few weeks. But I have lost about 27 pounds since January 1 of this year. I have some weight loss stories to tell of a time before that, but that’s another story.